Latest Notes

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The Author Doesn’t Trust His Doctor Anymore

In capitalist America, upsells are everywhere, and that includes the world of medicine. No longer are doctors trying to treat your ailments and keep you healthy; now they're just trying to meet their quota for number of prostate exams they book each quarter. And that's exactly what happened a while back with a specialist, so I brought it up with my doctor. Surprisingly, he didn't upsell me on...

The Author Should Have Known Better Than to Visit a Car Dealership

I was ten years old when my dad bought a 1990 Chevy Blazer. Coming from a long gray boat of an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, the Blazer was the coolest thing I had ever seen. it rode high, was two-tone blue and white, and had what other kids had referred to as a way-back. I enjoyed riding back there on long trips to Corpus Christi, no seat belt and no worries. Little did I know that ten years...

The Author is Going to Regret This

Drink enough alcohol with me and I'll let you know exactly how I feel about Goodreads Giveaways. How they cost too much. How they don't result in reviews. How physical copies end up on Ebay the next week with the description brand new, never opened. It's just not a good marketing strategy compared to everything else available to indie authors. Still, when you reach the end of the year with a...

The Author Plays God of War: Ragnarok and Has Notes

I suppose the point of video games is to aspire to be like the characters you're playing. Who wouldn't want to sneak around like Snake in Metal Gear? Or battle zombies like Ellie in The Last of Us Part 2? Or yes, kill gods like Kratos in God of War: Ragnarok? I mean, he's been doing it so long, it really does feel like his story is my story. And now that he has a son, I feel like I identify with...

The Author Goes Full Funko

Funko Pops are dumb. There, I said it. And if you stop me on the street tomorrow and ask me if Funko Pops are dumb, I'll still say yes. I cannot understand why anyone would waste their money on what is obviously a money grab designed to play on our love of pop culture and fill our shelves with molded plastic so we have to buy more shelves which ultimately lines the pockets of Big Shelving. Up...

The Author Recommends: Das Keyboard Professional 6

Although I'm a big believer in YNAB, there are just some things in life for which you cannot have a budget. One of those is books (obviously), another is Pop Tarts, and the third is anything that makes your job as an author easier. Yearly subscription for Microsoft Word even though it used to be a one-time fee? Sure! Yearly subscription to Novlr even though you only write for a total of three...

Tao of the Dog: Sitting Pretty

Years ago when we were taking both Cheyenne and Jetson to Sit Means Sit here in Austin, we were told by one of the instructors that dogs have two ways to sit. One is the straight-forward one leg on either side position that most dogs do, while the other is more relaxed, where the dog has both hind legs to one side and is leaning essentially on their hip. The relaxation distinction was important...

Note To Self: How to Fix a Tiny Stripped Screw

Alright, Verastiqui. This is your reminder about the time your sister-in-law gave you a Hue motion sensor and said if you can fix it, you can have it. Since your entire house is rigged with Hue smart lights, you jumped at the opportunity, only to find the sensor needed batteries and the small screw that lets you access the batteries was incredibly stripped. You tried your special tiny screwdriver...

man and woman on kitchen

Conversations With My Wife: Again, But Sooner

As a carbon-based lifeform irrevocably trapped into the unidirectional flow of time, I'm almost always thinking about what life would be like with foreknowledge of the future. Since I can't see into the future from here, I often imagine myself going back and trying again. Sometimes I think about what I could do differently, and sometimes I imagine what it would be like to try to do it all the...

Conversations With My Wife: Donkey Hoe Tee

Have you ever wondered how they change lightbulbs at the Barnes & Noble? You think some guy is just walking around with a 20 foot ladder and a bag of bulbs? No--that would be too non-invasive. Instead, they drive a cherry picker into the store and let its constant beep-beep-beep echo throughout the store for what was probably the entire morning.

Notes From the Author